Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
