dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wear drunk well.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
