I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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