i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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