Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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