I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
