he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
