i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize