This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize