Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize