making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
