Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
