please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
