talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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