i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
