he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
