Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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