I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
