well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
