I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
