U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
People in love make me want to vomit
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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