period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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