You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
