Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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