Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
