every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
