He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
