she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
