I love black thongs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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