eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
