How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I lost the right to judge tonight
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize