420 ftw
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize