You can't special order awesome
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize