Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
