I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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