We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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