I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
