She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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