good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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