some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
