Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
