you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
