I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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