dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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