I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize