I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
