i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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