At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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