I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
