Even the bartender felt bad for me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
