I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
