woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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