Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
