speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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