u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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