Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize