Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
