I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Girls should come with a carfax report
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
