he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
