Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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