I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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