you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize