just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
