my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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