I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
