Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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