i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
