he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
