It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
