It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize