he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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