i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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