there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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