Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
